NEO-SERIFX

Today, July 12, my middle school days end for real, like, the very clearest sense of ‘real’ anyone can come up with, because tomorrow is my (sorta like) first day of high school.

Yeay!/oh shit/gosh my nights of staying up late theyre gone/jesus i’m old/yeay!/time flies/did you see my socks?/this is great/this is not/yeay!/did you see my socks?

Three years of middle school sure don’t seem to stack up against those nine years in my former school, but the funfunfun (if not — just, anything, with some hint of fun) adolescent years started there so we can all agree that they’re worthy of being somewhat special, more special than the pathetic nine years.

And it finally has come to this: high school.

For some reason or other, it’s hard for me to accept that I’m really on this stage now, that in a few more years I won’t be studying at a school anymore, because school has always been the realm I’m in for the whole time of me being alive. It’s always there. The teachers are there. The classmates are there. Everything is there. Well not everything but you get my point. Most people say it’s a far cry from the real world.

Realising the creepiness in that statement, I (actually!!!) made a to-do list on things to do for the next three years, here it is:

1. Have fun. If possible, funner than the funnest funnest funnest fun I had ever done. (wrong grammar, not care nonono)
2. Study well. Not hard. Well.
3. Learning to do a proper smile. ‘Why? Nobody can’t smile.’ I’m no nobody. ‘But why?’ The skill is just not there.
4. Save money for future joy yeay :) :) :)

Such a short list of insignificance and undramaticness if that’s even a word.

Anyway.

Again, hugs full of thank-you’s are given to everyone for the last three years of greatness and un-greatness that ended up being a greatness compared to Disney Channel Asia.

xoxo!!! (as in Tic Tac Toe, I don’t kiss strangers)



footnote: If any of you somehow happens to be a friend later, hi, help me smile

He didn’t give me stars. He gave me rocks, and rocks he'd given me to bead with. He chose to be a sorcerer, and sorcerer had he become since the marked day. He never asked me to come with him. Neither did he ask anyone to come alongside. The pattern on his mortified eyes made me think. And think. Has he cried? Or did he just will to be free. Question mark.

At some point in time, you will hurt yourself because of this particular skunk you just can't get enough of. At some point in time, you will feel like the whole world is turning its back on you to force you into tasting contempt.

At some point in time, you will bore yourself with this relationship with your significant other that goes in a perfectly stable pace and just plain dull.

At some point in time, you will just feel empty.

At some point in time, your ex slash best friend slash the person you wholeheartedly trust slash the person you constantly hurt will get a brand new girlfriend that WAS just okay. And then it turns out that both of them will blatantly be clingy and all lovey dovey as fuck in online public places you wish you owned the entire world that would fart on their faces.

At some point in time, you will regret every single thing you did just the past 12 hours because your personal god decided that you had to be shameless and out of your mind at that very time, you just had to.

At some point in time, you will try to decide some stuff in which you have to take these things into consideration: the fact that you love your parents, the fact that your parents love you, and the fact that both sides naturally have the duty of pissing each other off.

At some point in time, you will be frustrated with the fact that you are currently living in a country The Justin Bieber even addresses as 'random' that Hollywood premieres will never ever be held here, and there is no way you're gonna meet this dreamy actor whose fuckyeahhisname Tumblr page has you drooling over your keyboard, and the one and only shared picture of you and him is the photograph of Earth.

Like this life ruiner, for example.

At some point in time, everybody else will plug expired rainbow cakes into your shithole just so you know.

At some point in time, you will stand still against your mirror, red eyes, snuffle, whispering to your---, snuffle, ---self:

"Why, in the first place, did I do this to myself?"

And none answers because it's better left rhetorical.

Apakah harus lelah dengan orang lain?
Apakah harus pura-pura lelah dengan orang lain?
Coba lelah dengan diri sendiri dulu.

Even wars tire Sekhmet.